Tuesday, 18 March 2008

New parties to split the silly vote

Fans of Monty Python that also read sites such as mine should be familiar with the fantastic Election Night Special.

If so, they may recall my favourite moment, when a rival “Very Silly” candidate splits the “Silly” vote.

Voice Over: Hello, from Harpenden. This is a key seat because in addition to the
official Silly candidate there is an independent Very Silly candidate (in large
cube of polystyrene with only legs sticking out) who may split the silly vote.
Officer: Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... (obvious man in drag with enormous
joke breasts)
Voice Over: Silly.
Officer: 26,317... James Walker...
Voice Over: Sensible.
Officer: 26,318.
Voice Over: That was close.
Officer: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper
Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of
horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows
whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes 'whoop') Mason
(chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a
welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way
Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On
My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton
Mannering (hoot, 'whoop') Smith.
Voice Over: Very Silly.
Officer: Two.
Voice Over: Well there you have it. A Sensible gain at Driffield

Which is why the London elections are proving to be a joy to behold.

The BBC lists the following candidates for Mayor:

  • Alan Craig - Christian Peoples Alliance & The Christian Party

  • Boris Johnson - Conservative party

  • Brian Paddick - Liberal Democrat

  • Chris Prior - Stop The Congestion Charge party

  • Damian Hockney - One London party

  • Dennis Delderfield - New Britain

  • Gerard Batten - UKIP

  • Ken Livingstone - Labour party

  • Lindsey German - Left List party

  • Matt O'Connor - English Democrats party

  • Richard Barnbrook - BNP

  • Sian Berry - Green Party

  • Winston McKenzie - Independent

So we’ve got One London splitting the UKIP vote, The Left List scrabbling with the (rosy-) Greens for the disaffected socialist vote, both of whom are also fighting Galloway’s Respect on the GLA list (“The Unity Coalition”? You couldn’t make it up!), more Fascists than you can wave a stick at, and Winston McKenzie, who seems to have been through just about every political party except the Liberal Democrats.

Only Christians and Liberals appear to have remained united (thank God and Gladstone!).

You’ve gotta’ smile.

( “#'We'll keep a welcome in the'#” [three shots, stops singing] )


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure the proliferation of small party candidates is quite as funny or worrying as the artificial and policy-free Mayoral contest between the "main" candidates...if there really is a silly vote, it will surely have to include the minorities who will vote for Livingstone and the Tory contender. In the last two Mayoral elections, the winner achieved the vote of a very small percentage of the electorate (the vast majority - two thirds - taking no interest and not voting). So therefore neither of the "main" candidates have much popularity and the election has now descended into personalised smear and counter smear. What is so frustrating is that many of the "minor" candidates do actually have something to say. And wish to fight on policy. But as they are simply not heard and are barred from hustings and barred from meaningful media coverage, it builds upon the idea that standing against the tired and discredited "main" parties is some sort of lunatic option. Not good for democracy. Damian Hockney, One London Party candidate for London Mayor, City Hall, London SE1

Anonymous said...

Thanks Damian!
It is sad for democracy that minor parties get ignored. It surly tempts them to become silly just to grab attention. Treating them as silly parties is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

We need a diversity of people and agendas on the assembly to encourage healthy debate and hold the Mayor to account.

It's this blinkered focus on big parties that has stopped us having ethnic minorities on the assembly. We need to move away from Westminster clones who suffer from group think, whose first loyalty is their party.

It's fascinating that the two main parties have put up celebrity candidates. Neither of them are sensible. Neither have any business experience, all Ken knows is the corrupt world of politricks, and has wasted so much of our hard earned money. Boris is a posh boy who knows nothing of real life, he's harmless but not leadership material.

I'm keen on Alan Craig his tireless work saving his local market helping represent the diverse range of people and caring for their needs. His business knowledge would be so useful to help get value for money but he understands poverty enough to do so without screwing the poor in the process.

But to find out about any of these guys we have to google them!

Anonymous said...

You are currently one of the only few Liberal Democrat London Assembly candidates without a website (except this blog). Have you considered setting one up?